Empty Casket, Empty Heart
by ShamiksXa
Summary: When Sirius finds out that his brother died, he visits his grave in the Black cemetery. There, he mourns his lost. Takes place somewhere in between Prisoner of Azkaban and Goblet of Fire. Oneshot. Unbeta'd.


Sirius stood unblinking, glaring at the gravestone set before him. The casket was buried below was empty. They never did recover the body of Regulus Black. The great beast of February whipped and lashed out at him, the sky grey and ground dewy. His cloak was soaked, his shaggy hair was wet, and his hands were shaking.

"You weren't meant to die so soon, Regs. I was supposed to go first." Sirius' voice was soft, but it held the anger and grief of many years. "You _were_ too good for the world."

There was no reply from the stone. Sirius expected it. He was already accustomed to people ignoring his pleas and words. Everybody he had every loved and cared for had left him.

When Regulus had died, Sirius was with James planning on how they could save Lily, him, and Harry. Harry most of all. He went straight to Azakaban after the night. Harry and his friends Ron and Hermione had broken him out of Hogwarts when he was issued for a Dementor's Kiss, had he finally found out about his brother- his darling, sweet, innocent little brother's death.

"I still remember," Sirius chuckled weakly at the old memory. "When you were only two hours old and already broken three vases and bit down on mother's breast when she tried to feed you." He sat himself down in front of the grave. "I knew, right then, that I loved you and dedicated my life to make you happy and keep you safe. I made a promise to myself."

He paused, eyes already brimming with tears. "I failed. I failed you, Regs," he choked, his voice cracking. "I couldn't keep you safe, or you would be here. You would be alive if I had not failed. I let you be brainwashed by that stupid snake, I left the family and let you deal with the Black name's stress by yourself. I left you alone and you suffered. You were forced to hold up the legacy of the most important family in the wizarding world- and you're still a child. You are- you were so young and already you were weighed down and left with a child when you had soiled hands. I hated you for all that you've done, and yet I hated myself for letting you do that." He was sobbing now, mourning his dead brother. It had been almost fourteen years since he last cried, and he did not expect the first tear to fall freshly on Black land.

"I envied you, you know. I envied that the family still loved you, I envied that you were the chosen one, I envied that you surpassed all of Mother's expectations while I failed every one of them. I was the outcast, you were the saviour," he muttered at the stone. "But is shouldn't have left you there with them, should I? I shouldn't have left you there with them to suffer like you did. I should have taken you with me. I promised you."He laughed at the situation he was in right now. "You still are the saviour. But I left you alone, and I broke you little by little each day. Each letter that you sent that never came back chipped away at you until you were empty. I got your owls, I heard your cries, and yet I ignored you. And I would give anything- anything to have you back again. To have another letter. I want to run my fingers through your mussed, unruly hair and pinch your cheeks and hold you in my arms in the night when you would come crying for whatever reason. Hold you close to my my chest in my room under the thick blankets- shield you from the nightmares you suffered from, shield you from the bellowing thunder andcackling lights when a storm visited the summer night. I want to cradle you again," he cried. He pleaded at anyone, anyone who would listen, though he knew no one could help him. "I want to cradle you, soothe you, hug you to sleep. I want to hear your soft snores and murmurs when you sleep, when you cry for help, when you somehoow end up snug beneath my arms in confusion when you wake up even though you knew for a fact that you went to sleep in your own room the previous night."

"I want to see you live again- see you happy, Regs. Happy like the way you were before the Sorting, happy before Hogwarts, happy before you became one of them. Before you were thrown into responsibility and preparation. Before all the arguing about heirs and favoritism. Before all your Slytherin friends. Before we would bicker and glare and throw insults at each other like it was the only thing that kept us alive."

Again there was no response.

"Please," he begged. " _Please_ answer me! Please come at me from behind and tackle me to the ground with your hands covering my eyes saying _'Guess who, Siri?!'_ when both of us know very well that I know it's you. Please, come back. Come back hating me, come back trying to kill me- I probably deserve it- but please...," he croaked. "Don't leave me alone. I want you to come back, I _need_ you to come back!

There was no response.

"I was so selfish. But after all these years, I'm not even surprised when bad things continue to happen." He smiled sadly.

"People are so easily shattered. I thought I was strong, I thought I was unbeatable, I thought I was _invincible_ when I broke free from the manor. But I was wrong. I was so freaking wrong about so many things, and now I'm so alone and I'm willing to give my life without batting an eyelash if it was the price of having one more day with you."

Sirius took a shaky breath, tears still coming. "I'm scared, Regs. I miss you. James- the one you called a too-lovable prat- and your Lily, the one Severus was infatuated with are all dead. They left their only son alone and orphaned. The one of the Great Prophecy. And now I'm left to take care of him... and every step he takes reminds me of you."

He layed down the pair of conjoined black roses, the flower of the Ancient and Most Feared House of Black. "I love you, little brother. I should have told you more. I've loved you the second you were born and sucked on my thumb sweetly when you first saw me, the forst time you flung a spoon of peas at great-aunt Naporius' portrait, the first time I taught you swear words. The last time I saw you and when you said you despised me. I don't blame you. I could never." He looked down at his own hands."You were an idiot to go and trail that snake as a follower, Regs. You hear me, Regs? A complete idiot. But I can't judge you. No, I never can. You are and always will be my brother no matter what happens. If I could make myself hate you like you said you did to me I would. But I can't, because to me you're still that obnoxious boy who followed me everywhere. Still that curious boy who asked questions about everything- so much so that at times it earned you a sharp, stinging slap across the cheek. You are still that sweet child who flung yourself in front of me to protect me when mother brough out the whip and blade to add to my collection of scars and cuts on my back, and got up again to do the same for me even when they shoved you aside. You're my baby brother. No one should have hurt you. But I hurt you more than anyone, and sorry doesn't excuse anything that I've done."

"I'm sorry, Regulus. I'll see you when I reach the stars. Maybe then you'll forgive me. I hope so."

The two black roses disintegrated into dust the very night Sirius Black was thrown into the veil and died through the other side.

The first thing he felt were soft arms around him, palms covering his eyes. He smelled a familiar scent that brought tears to his eyes.

"Guess who, Sirius?"

(A/N): I'm in China right now and I had to type this in my Notes app on my phone to get this written. As I can't get someone to beta for me- well okay, I could, but I won't be able to send it to them, this is pure unedited work. I didn't read through this even once after I typed it out. I have a couple of new projects that I WANT work on (Lots of Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, and Merlin) but as Google is blocked over here I can't go on Docs and write things properly which means only oneshots for now... Not like I update much when I DO have access to Google anyways. I have a few ideas coming so... Have a nice summer!

ShamiksXa


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